Main Post 3.7

“Why do same-sex couples want to marry?” (FAQ)

This document outlines the differences between marriages and civil unions, and it answers the questions of why same-sex couples want to marry. The first paragraph of the document seemed so incredibly obvious to me, and it has never really occurred to me that some people are uneducated about same-sex marriage. It reads: “Many same-sex couples want the right to legally marry because they are in love…” (1)...it is a foreign concept to me that some people don’t understand this!

Next, the document outlines the specific rights that marriage provides for couples. I was unaware of some of these marriage rights, such as the one about hospital visitation. It saddens me that same-sex couples in long term relationships cannot have the automatic right to visit each other when they are hospitalized.

I especially liked the end of the document, because it talked about how civil unions are NOT separate but equal to marriage…”they are separate and unequal. And our society has tried separate before. It just doesn’t work”. I think this is a very strong argument for same-sex marriage.

“Since When is Marriage a Path to Liberation?” (Paula Ettelbrick)

Ettelbrick writes from a perspective that I have never been exposed to: she is a lesbian woman who does not want to right to same-sex marriage. Ettelbrick believes that same-sex marriage “will constrain us, make us more invisible, force our assimilation into the mainstream and undermine the goals of gay liberation” (306). It seems that she wants a new form of “marriage” for same-sex couples; one that recognizes the fact that there is an essential difference between gay/lesbian couples and straight couples. Ettelbrick discusses the fact that she is “fundamentally different from non-lesbian women”, and she does not want same-sex marriage to be accepted as the norm because it fails to recognize the difference between gay relationships and straight relationships She argues that our legal system does not embrace difference, and it only supports sameness.

I agree with most of what Ettelbrick says, but I strongly disagree with her point about the legitimacy of gay and lesbian sex between non-married couples. She argues that if gay marriage was widely accepted, then the only form of legitimate sex would be when two people are married. She mentions that non-married sexually active women face a sigma in today’s society because they are having sex before marriage. I think this may have been true many years ago, but it is no longer an upheld stigma. In fact, I would argue that it is considered “the norm” for women to have sex before marriage today. Very few straight women wait until marriage to have sex, and therefore I do not think that same-sex marriage would promote the idea that the only legitimate form of sex is when two people gay people are married.

Ettelbrick concludes her article with a discussion of how many people tend to see same-sex marriage as a cure-all for the inequalities that same-sex couples are experiencing. She argues that the issue is much more complicated, and cannot be solved with the legalization of gay marriage. She concludes: “we will be liberated only when we are respected and accepted for our differences and the diversity we provide to this society. Marriage is not a path to liberation” (308).

“Soldier in a Long White Dress” (Vaccaro)

Andrea Vaccaro’s piece is extremely personal and eye-opening. She writes about her experiences fighting for the right to same-sex marriage. She discusses her experience buying a wedding dress with her father at age twenty. She bought this dress to wear in a political demonstration promoting same-sex marriage. I was impressed with Vaccaro’s extreme activism, even at such a young age. Even when she was in high school, Vaccaro was fighting for her rights. She was the leader of the LGBTQ group, and spent many hours working for her cause. In college, she held many internship positions and was extremely active, while maintaining a very high GPA.

The most poignant part of Vaccaro’s piece is when she describes her experience protesting with her partner, Lauren, and other friends. They were granted the right to protest at a local post office, but the post office never mentioned that they would be closed all day. When they encountered the closed post office, the group decided to protest along side a highway. They were proud because they made lesbians “visible”, since thousands of cars passed by them. They experienced a lot of discrimination that day, but they also gained some support. Finally, the police told them to leave, and they ran away in their wedding dresses.

Vaccaro closes her piece by describing her wedding the Lauren. She knows that by marrying Lauren, her life will change. She will continue to fight for equality. She feels the need to establish her identity in the word, because most people assume that she is a straight woman, married to a man. This must be extremely difficult for her, to have to establish her identity, because people wrongly assume things about her.